You just had your baby a few weeks ago and you’ve finally adjusting to life as a new mom. Here are some cold hard truths you’ll face now that you’re here.
1. You’re biased because it doesn’t matter what anyone says. Your child is perfect.
2. You become a sudden germophobe. No one is allowed to touch your child unless they’ve washed their hands 3x, and also Purelled it. Better yet, can they also change out of their street wear clothing before picking up your child? Or maybe I’ll put my baby in a hazmat suit before letting you interact with her. Yep – your baby is in your ‘invisible bubble’ and most likely be there for awhile.
3. The next person who asked you when you’re gonna have another one might get punched in the face or kicked out of your house? Seriously – do they NOT see the newborn in front of them?
4. There will be days when you jump up excitedly when you hear your child cry for something, and then there will be days where you feel like you need a tow truck to drag you out of bed.
5. You’ll pretend you didnt smell what was happening with their diaper when you lovingly hand her over to your spouse as you go take your ‘quick shower’.
6. You’ll either learn to be a marathon eater and chow down your food super fast while she’s napping or just resign yourself to a cold meal all the time.
7. You’ll laugh at your OB/GYN when he asks you what are you doing for birth control during your post partum 6 week visit. Haha really?
8. You’ll be very thankful for KYJELLY.
9. Your boobs never looked perkier and bigger then ever but god help your husband if he even wants to go anywhere near them. They’re for looking only. No touching.
10. You’ll read everything you can about poop, sleep, and food. You’ll talk to random strangers about your child’s poop, and your boobs and don’t think twice about it. That is till you realize your single girlfriend is staring at you with a look of bewilderment and fear in her eyes.
Most of all – you’ll love her dearly but wish she’ll sleep through the night soon so you’ll know what it feels like to sleep a full 8 hrs in a row again.